I suppose young flesh is the most succulent

If it was called “yummy chicken” would you think it was a book about cooking for chickens?

Exactly.

It's an organic thing. Like cow dung. And miggies up your nostrils.

Miggie is the Afrikaans word for midge. I’m not sure whether the sign is suggesting cow-dung will find its way up your nose along with the midges, but it does seem to imply that this kind of experience is something you might want to be reminded of when looking at the paint on your patio floor.

If you think I’ve found references to cow dung and miggies in Edinburgh, I’m sorry to disappoint you. This is a rather old photo I found on my mobile.

Earthcote Competition. Win a free guest

Trawling the mobile phone camera archives. Expect more of this sort of thing.

Costa coffee cups made from 100% Rainforest

Well not really. 100% Rainforest Alliance Approved or something like that, but it all comes down to perspective doesn’t it?

Also — what’s with the fake wooden slats on the table? You can’t really see from the photo, but the wooden slats on the table are actually stickers. It’s a solid table surface made to look as if it is made from wooden slats, optical illusion style. Except when I look down through the slats, I don’t see my legs under the table so it isn’t very convincing.

They use to put trite quotations on the back of their sugar sachets, along the lines of “You miss 100% of the slit wrists you don’t cut” or something. Now it’s mundane facts about South Africa, as illustrated.

Hullets. Sugar for Dummies

]]> http://wafflegroup.com/2010/06/17/hullets-helps-tourists-by-stating-the-obvious/feed/ 1 halfhaggis Helpful Hullets http://wafflegroup.com/2010/06/10/cell-c-vs-tracker-and-you-thought-they-werent-in-competition/ http://wafflegroup.com/2010/06/10/cell-c-vs-tracker-and-you-thought-they-werent-in-competition/#comments Thu, 10 Jun 2010 19:09:33 +0000 Neil Robinson http://wafflegroup.com/?p=970 ]]> I’m leaving the country and I have contracts to cancel. Contracts like those for cellular telephone and vehicle-tracking services.

The difference is that Tracker actually gives a shit about their customers (even those who are shortly to cease being their customers) while Cell C doesn’t.

For both Tracker and Cell C, I still have about 11 months remaining on my contract. Tracker magnanimously gave me a 50% discount on the settlement amount, while Cell C want to charge me a R1,000 penalty fee.

Tracker cares what I think about their brand, even if I’m not a customer of theirs. This could be because I might have cause to give a vehicle-tracking service a recommendation. “Hey, Jimmy. Tracker provided pretty good service. Why not use them?”

Even if I don’t give a recommendation, they certainly don’t want me to have anything bad to say about the company or the brand. I mean, pissed off customers typically put a lot more effort into complaining than happy customers put into complementing. Unhappy customers might bad-mouth the brand. Complain to friends. Blog about the poor service and unreasonable contract cancellation terms. Screw around with the logo. Perhaps they might tweet about it, or post it on Facebook. It could go viral. It could become the next internet meme. Tracker wouldn’t want to even risk such a thing, no matter how small the chances of it happening are, while Cell C have made it all the way to the “post it on Facebook” phase.

Good for you!

Indeed, the poisonous substances aisle is a curious place to put a deodorant advertisement. But then again, all Axe adverts seem to suggest that Axe will intoxicate women. I just didn’t realise it went to quite this extent.

Heads up Axe buyers! Those women lunging over towards you are not overcome with lust for your irresistible body, they are overcome by the toxic fumes of your bug-spray.

Sign up for the Don’t Contact Me database and put a stop to sms, email, and telephone spam.

That, at least, is the theory. Perhaps it’s a trap. I’ll let you know whether my spam volumes are amplified in the near future.

Bullshit is all around you

I’ve been looking for a wine that will go well with rotting carcass goulash, and the Bottoms Up! Barolo is sure to fit the bill nicely.

I rather like ducks, and because of this I’ve never wanted to invade their space by latching on to their beaks. I have, however, always wondered what the fluid contained therein would be like. With Shit-Faced Shiraz, I need wonder no longer.

I’m going to have to give the Modderdam Malbec a wide berth though. I just don’t really agree with the labour practices they’ve used to bring us this wine, no  matter how good a wine it is.