My brother Stuart insists I post this, uh, transcript of his.
I will humour him this time – but really Stuart, just get your own blog.
As already mentioned, it contains naughty words. Don’t read it if you can’t cope with naughty words.
Ashlee is Stuart’s friend from school who lives in London at the moment. What follows is an SMS ‘conversation’
The Players:
- Stu – Brother of esteemed Waffle Master
- Reprobate – A morally unprincipled person, one who is predestined to damnation
The Transcript
Day 1:
Stu:
Hi Ashlee. How are you doing. Somehow got your phone code the wrong way around, so haven’t been able to contact you. But all is now well again 🙂 StuDay 3:
Reprobate:
Fuck off and dont send to me message again
Stu (not sent):
Excuse me?! what the fuck is your problem? You low life. If I have the wrong number its not all that goddamn difficult to say so in a more polite manner. What a complete tosser you are. This wasnt always your number you fuck wit.
Stu (sent):
Excuse me?! I have to assume you are in fact not Ashlee. I must also admit that if you had had the cranial capacity to reply politely to me, then it would have been easy for me to comply with your request, but alas, that was not the case. So I may send miscellaneous messages from time to time-just to keep you on your toes. Hope you don’t mind.Day 4:
Reprobate:
Fuck off and dont send to me message again Fuck you
Stu:
You really are an uncouth reprobate
Reprobate:
Hi.Im her boy friend what you want tell me
Stu:
I see. Well, seems she has chosen well. I am actually a friend of hers from school and you seem to be a little bit of a nightmare. So I’m not entirely sure what your issue is. If she’s not interested in speaking to me I’m sure she can tell me herself.
Reprobate:
I dont want talking with you please dont send to me message
Stu:
Ok. One last message. Who is this?
Reprobate:
Stuart
Stu:
Hmm. I see. Coincidence.
Reprobate:
Fuck you mother Fucker Fucken torso
Stu:
You really need to perhaps spend some time in a schooling environment, so that you can enhance your vast vocabulary. If you are an example of British youth I am pretty disappointed actually. Cheers
The Waffle Group 
Oh the horror of being called a torso.
Brings strange imagery to mind. Does he think of Stu as a strange deformed creature sans limbs, strapped upright into his computerised wheelchair and typing messages with his tongue? I’d find that more scary than insulting. Perhaps Reprobate has been wetting the bed lately and is merely expressing his latent homo-erotic fears. But that’s just my 2c, I’m also a torso after all, ergo one of “them” and not to be trusted.
I’m really at a bit of a loss as to what to do with people like this. One could boil them down for glue, I suppose.
-q-