I trust I can rely on your vote?

The South African National Elections are swiftly approaching, and election posters are littering the streets.

There are plentiful examples of everyone’s favourite ANC leader, Jacob Zuma, and his cheesy it-wasn’t-me grin. Or is it more of a Alfred E. Newman “What, Me Worry?” kind of look?

Regardless of the visage of JayZee, there are also a number of posters that try to instill in us, the electorate, a passion to vote for a particular party. I’ve already made fun of the ANC’s poster, but on hindsight I’ve decided I’ve been a little discriminatory. We wouldn’t want that in the 15-year-old New South Africa.

Everyone has an election slogan, and generally these can all be improved by adding the phrase “in your pants” to the end of whatever our political overlords have told us.

If you like, you could choose your political party based on which one sounded the least (or most) ridiculous with in your pants tagged on to the end of the slogan.

Going in alphabetical order, we have:

• African Christian Democratic Party
  • New Heart. New Nation. In Your Pants
• African National Congress
  • Working together we can do more in your pants
• Azanian People’s Organisation
  • For the Sake of our Country in our Pants!
• Congress of the People (They have a bunch — I chose one)
  • A new agenda for change and hope for all in your pants
• Evita’s People’s Party (Too bad this isn’t really a party, because I’d vote for Evita)
  • Let the people lead and the politicians will follow in your pants
• Inkatha Freedom Party
  • The Tried and Tested Alternative in Your Pants
• United Democratic Movement
  • The time is now in your pants!

That’s just a few. Adding in your pants to the rest of the political parties’ slogans is left as an exercise for the reader.

I will stop in your pants
I will stop at nothing in your pants
Say the right things in your pants
When electioneering in your pants
I trust I can rely on your vote in your pants

Apologies to Radiohead: Electioneering