Classic Spam

I didn’t write this, but I did find it in my inbox.

Former President Bill Klinton uses Voagra!
Everybody knows the great sexual scandal known as “Klinton-Levinsky”.
After the relations like this Klintons popularity raised a lot!
It is a natural phenomenon, because Bill as a real man in order not to
shame himself when he was with Monica regularly used Voagra.
What happened you see. His political figure became more bright and more
attractive.
It is very important for a man to be respected as a man!

See our Voagra shop to enter upon the new phase of your life.
http://URL.removed

Woolworths sent me some crap

And I’m not happy about it. I decided to email them the following letter listing my grievances.

[edit]It seems I made a typo in the email address. Could this be a sign from a higher being that it is inadvisable to send the message in its current form? You tell me. Perhaps I need to tone down the language or something?[/edit]

Do enjoy:

Dear Customer Services Manager

I’ll start by quoting from the letter that you sent me on 19 October, 2005. The same letter that included my Woolworths Store Charge Card.

“Your world of difference Store Charge Card is your key to a wonderful new world. A world created especially for you. A world where membership is free. A world where you will always have the inside track on everything happening at Woolworths. A world where you don’t need to wait for what you want, just hand over your card to pay for whatever your heart desires.”

Now let’s run that through a little de-obfuscation, and closely analyse the statements you have made.

1. “Your world of difference Store Charge Card is your key to a wonderful new world. A world created especially for you.”
What a blatant load of crap. I’ll be generous in my criticism and let the ‘wonderful new world’ metaphor slide. You’ve created a supposedly wonderful world of shopping, and I’ll accept that. What I refuse to accept is that you’ve created it especially for me.
That statement insults my intelligence. It even insults the intelligence of people with below average IQ’s. If this world you created was created especially for me, that implies that I am the most important person in that world. Surely then my account number shouldn’t be 6007 8501 0196 1967? That’s an unnecessarily long number when I’m No.1.
But I’m not really 1st in line, am I?

2. “A world where membership is free.”
It is incidentally also a world where membership is unwanted. Membership is free, but buying stuff isn’t, and ultimately you want me to go into debt so you can charge me interest. Will the interest be free?

3. ‘A world where you will always have the inside track on everything happening at Woolworths’
This doesn’t seem nefarious, but the next line…

4. ‘A world where you don’t need to wait for what you want, just hand over your card soul to pay for whatever your heart desires.’
Note the alteration I’ve made to the above quote. Less deceptive now, in my opinion.

Your annoying letter goes on to tell me that the best thing of all is that I don’t need to apply and that I’ve already been pre-approved for R5500 credit. Plus, you gave me a R25-off voucher if I spend R150 or more using the card of evil.
Thanks. That’s very generous and accommodating of you. Helping pave my road to insolvency. Standard Bank is already doing a fine job without your assistance, but I specifically asked them for a credit card so they get a state pardon.

Ultimately, what I’m trying to say in my very long-winded fashion, is that sending me unsolicited mail pisses me off. Sending me unsolicited mail that tries to tempt me into taking out credit pisses me off a lot. Pissing me off tarnishes my perception of your brand and makes me think twice about shopping in your store.
Pissing people off is not something you want to do, because you never know how influential or powerful someone you piss-off might be.

Good day

[WaffleG] The Band Formally Known as Skyscraper

Greetings Wafflings

Jaco (a.k.a Zskilz – don’t ask me why) has a band which he ridicules on a regular basis. I don’t know why because the music isn’t as crap as he likes to make out.
I like it, and I’m the Mighty Waffle Master! As they say, one Waffle Master can’t be wrong.

Anyway, he’s planning to change the band name from Skyscraper to something else, and you can help.
Visit the site, download the music, throw in a band name suggestion or ten.
You can also critique the music here.

Make it so.

SpamBlog

A blog comprised entirely of spam. With links to other blogs comprised entirely of spam.
Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam.

SHUTUP!
Bloody vikings!

Camera Saga – Part II (See Argh! for Part I)

Good news.
I am mightily impressed.

My friends at Foto Distributors-Nikon phoned me back and told me to come
and collect a new camera, a model up from what I had broken.

Thank you Lourens, who I spoke with yesterday. Lourens is clearly an
important person in Nikon-land (or at least competent).
I’m yet to see whether the new camera works. I’m waiting for the battery
to cahrge [edit: To the Spelling Nazi! I leave this typo here in impunity!] (the camera doesn’t take the many rechargeable AA’s that I bought for the previous model – grr) The saga may not be over yet, but
I’ll be optimistic.

[edit: Camera is just dandy!]

Have you got anything without the spam?

`Egg, bacon, spam and sausage’ hasn’t got as much spam in it as `spam,
egg, sausage and spam.’
But still, you can’t have either without the spam, even if you don’t
like spam.

What I don’t understand is why I’m getting the spam off other peoples’
plates?

Apparently I can `Inc reas e [My] Se xual Des ire and Spe rm vol ume by
500 %’ (grammar verbatim).
Wonderful news! Except, this arousing piece of information was addressed
to masebapale@mydomain-name. Not my username (although it is my domain
name, which makes me suspect bad things about my service provider)
In fact, nowhere in the source code of the message does my email address
appear.

Can someone who knows something about email protocols explain this to me?

[WaffleG] The Waffle Group Blog

Greetings Wafflings

A great cunningness has happened.
Because the Official Waffle Group page is a pain in the butt to add
posts to, I’m not going to anymore.

Bletherings to appear at http://thewafflegroup.blogspot.com from now on.
I’ll still be emailing the roughly monthly issue, so don’t stress those
of you who refuse to venture on to the internet.

Also, the blog itself is a member of the Waffle Group mailing list, so
everything mailed to you will automatically appear there.

I like it when other people make life easier for me.

Also – if you visit the blog you can tell which posts were also mailed
to members by the [WaffleG] tag.

Here endeth the Waffle