SpamBlog

A blog comprised entirely of spam. With links to other blogs comprised entirely of spam.
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SHUTUP!
Bloody vikings!

Naughty Words

My brother Stuart insists I post this, uh, transcript of his.
I will humour him this time – but really Stuart, just get your own blog.
As already mentioned, it contains naughty words. Don’t read it if you can’t cope with naughty words.

Ashlee is Stuart’s friend from school who lives in London at the moment. What follows is an SMS ‘conversation’

The Players:

  • Stu – Brother of esteemed Waffle Master
  • Reprobate – A morally unprincipled person, one who is predestined to damnation

The Transcript

Day 1:
Stu:
Hi Ashlee. How are you doing. Somehow got your phone code the wrong way around, so haven’t been able to contact you. But all is now well again ๐Ÿ™‚ Stu

Day 3:
Reprobate:
Fuck off and dont send to me message again
Stu (not sent):
Excuse me?! what the fuck is your problem? You low life. If I have the wrong number its not all that goddamn difficult to say so in a more polite manner. What a complete tosser you are. This wasnt always your number you fuck wit.
Stu (sent):
Excuse me?! I have to assume you are in fact not Ashlee. I must also admit that if you had had the cranial capacity to reply politely to me, then it would have been easy for me to comply with your request, but alas, that was not the case. So I may send miscellaneous messages from time to time-just to keep you on your toes. Hope you don’t mind.

Day 4:
Reprobate:
Fuck off and dont send to me message again Fuck you
Stu:
You really are an uncouth reprobate
Reprobate:
Hi.Im her boy friend what you want tell me
Stu:
I see. Well, seems she has chosen well. I am actually a friend of hers from school and you seem to be a little bit of a nightmare. So I’m not entirely sure what your issue is. If she’s not interested in speaking to me I’m sure she can tell me herself.
Reprobate:
I dont want talking with you please dont send to me message
Stu:
Ok. One last message. Who is this?
Reprobate:
Stuart
Stu:
Hmm. I see. Coincidence.
Reprobate:
Fuck you mother Fucker Fucken torso
Stu:
You really need to perhaps spend some time in a schooling environment, so that you can enhance your vast vocabulary. If you are an example of British youth I am pretty disappointed actually. Cheers

Camera Saga – Part II (See Argh! for Part I)

Good news.
I am mightily impressed.

My friends at Foto Distributors-Nikon phoned me back and told me to come
and collect a new camera, a model up from what I had broken.

Thank you Lourens, who I spoke with yesterday. Lourens is clearly an
important person in Nikon-land (or at least competent).
I’m yet to see whether the new camera works. I’m waiting for the battery
to cahrge [edit: To the Spelling Nazi! I leave this typo here in impunity!] (the camera doesn’t take the many rechargeable AA’s that I bought for the previous model – grr) The saga may not be over yet, but
I’ll be optimistic.

[edit: Camera is just dandy!]

Argh!

Bloody hell! What an annoying day it’s been today.
I went to collect my camera from Nikon – at long last it had been
repaired. It seemed to be in working order – took a photo at the shop.
All seemed well in photo la-la-land.

I get home and fiddled with some of the non-default settings. Bang!
Horrible glitches appear all over the damned LCD screen. Where there is
meant to be a cross-hair on the screen, there is instead a randomly
arranged assortment of yellow pixels obscuring most of the picture.
AAAAAAAAAuuuuiirhgrgr4frBG!

Goes away when I change back to the normal settings, but this is clearly
unacceptable.
But wait… there’s more!

I phone them back to voice my displeasure and speak to the technician.
He seems puzzled about the problem. He seems even more puzzled when I
mention that I’d claimed from insurance for the repair. ‘What? But it
should’ve been a write-off. You should have told us it was for insurance
purposes,’ he says.

AAAAAUTHRHGHRHAUAAUURHGHEEHERHGH! I DID!!! Why the frigging hell
couldn’t the stupid moron at the counter tell the technicians this is
something I am having trouble figuring out.

AAUAUUGUUUGFGHSEHfuklEFJ;HLORJSWNvgaqeruig;CEJY8cetr!!@@!@#$!
~^(@#!@#$(*O$%@*$%GFHJG

But wait! If you buy now, we’ll give you PC troubles! [Warning: Geek
person content]
After phoning them my joy increased not at all when I couldn’t run
openoffice – it wouldn’t start up at all, or just hung there. Tried a
couple of things, and then finally decided to reinstall it – except my
root partition complained. Device read-only. Huh? Even logined in as
root I couldn’t write any files. Started getting all kind of exciting
ext3 write errors. Yippee yay dandy doodah!

I mean..
AAAAUURGdfjkghdfgiohdsiohsfiughgradUIGH:UIDHF:SUOEHFUI:H!!!!

Reboot into Gentoo LiveCD, run fsck. All happy now. Except I’m really
getting sick of attaching stuff to /lost+found. It’s happened 3 times in
the last month or so.

Dubious Day of Doubtful ‘do

Bean went for a hair-do (read hair-cut, but I needed to tie up the title “‘do” for our slower readers), but there was a misunderstanding over terminology.
I asked for winter-cut, expecting that to mean long hair, but neater, and without the matted bits. Summer-cut is something that I did not want because that would mean short hair, with silly and frankly embarrassing long bits.
Apparently this is long hair. I’m doubtful. If it is long, then it has even longer embarrassing bits. On the positive side, it is without the matted bits.

The sales clerk revealed that I was actually looking for was a polar cut. Right… well as she said ‘unfortunately we can’t put the hair backon.’

Bean as she appears now…