entertainment – Page 6 – The Waffle Group

Teapot Reminiscence

Long term fans will fondly remember this gem:

I see a lot of pipes these days. Pipes and my fair share of teapots. The teapots are always random, but the pipes are not necessarily so. While some pipes lead somewhere, others just twist around each other, and then break up into squares and disappear.

And the noise. Always a rattling noise. I would put my earplugs in, but they're tied to my hard-hat, so I'd have to wear the hat indoors, which would look silly. I suppose I could leave the hard-hat on the desk, with the string from the earplugs stretching up to my ears, but that would be worse. I get up from the desk to escape the rattle and the randomised pipes on the monitor to go outside where the other pipes of the gold-plant can afflict me. I have to wear my hard-hat now in any case. At least the rattle of the faulty PC fan is no more – replaced by the drone of heavy machinery.

Still pipes and noise, but no teapots. I long for the surprise of the teapot amongst the pipes, but surprises are not so fantastical on a gold-plant. Perhaps the security officers have some teapots. They do have metal detectors – so why not teapots? I make my way along the path to the security check-point. No teapots yet, but i keep my spirits up

I press the buzzer and look balefully up at the security camera. I imagine the security guards looking down at me from their CCTV monitors, my body elongated out of proportion. A curious side-effect of the corner mounted camera lens. But perhaps they don't see me. Perhaps they are also hoping for a teapot to appear on the screen.

That’s Just Not Cricket

Today’s ODI between Sri Lanka and South Africa was blessed with radio commentators. I listened to these guys while I worked and I’m pretty sure they were stoned. They laughed a lot at mundane things. That’s as sure a sign as ever.
Somehow the topic of music came up, which obviously just isn’t cricket, and is an indication that these guys were not focusing. Yet more evidence to support my hypothesis.
The South African commentator mentioned Johnny Clegg, and explained how he was one of the first white men to perform traditional African music. In an effort to understand fully, the Australian commentator asked, “Kind of like Eminem?”

Um. No. Not like that at all.

Sony disrespects its customers

Do not buy anything that Sony manufactures, specifically any of their bullshit copy-protected CDs. I figure all of their products deserve boycotting though.

Sony BMG installs software that hides its presence from you on your PC. It does this if you just play the CD, never mind make legal copies. Sony doesn’t get your permission. If you know what you’re doing and actually find the programme and remove it, it breaks your CD-ROM.
Crackers write viruses that behave in the same way, and in fact a virus that takes advantage of Sony’s nefarious work has already surfaced.

And their EULA is full of fun and games too.

Again I say: Don’t buy even a single writable CD from these cretins!

Ketamine Hydrochloride

I’m grieving.
But no-one has died

I’m hurting.
But I find no wound

I’m angry.
But there’s no-one to blame

I’m vengeful.
Who deserves my wrath?

She’s drugged.
Abandoned in the club
Her drink has betrayed her

She’s raped?
The tests do not say so
No clear way to tell though

She’s ill.
Feels weary all day now
Curse the pill that AIDS her

And so
I grieve I ache I rage

I avenge?
Do you deserve my wrath?

Crappy Lyrics of the Day

“You gotta lotta class.”
I like the way you shake your ass.” — Unknown artist (and I use the term loosely) since I can’t deal with waiting to the end of the song to find out who actually sings it.

I have always believed that shaking one’s posterior in public is a true indicator of one’s status in society.

Boost my self esteem

New pics up on DeviantArt.
Been there a while actually, but go look and make a comment (good or bad)

One Rip-off

Kelly Osbourne sucks.
Her new single “One Word” is playing on the radio and it is a total rip-off of Visage’s “Fade to Grey,” complete with french mumbo-jumbo in the background.
She’s changed all the words and the chorus though, so I suppose this make it completely original.

I am incensed!

Hostel Food vs The Waffle Master

While scratching through some of my old high school junk I found a copy of the school newspaper that I contributed to. It’s dated 14 October, 1996.

Here I reproduce the article I wrote for your reading pleasure:

The Multiple Personalities of “The Kitchen”
I fear that the kitchen of Potchefstroom Boys’ High School is going though an identity crisis. I reached this conclusion after being subject to its meals one ill-fated weekend last term.Saturday’s breakfast was reasonable, but the The Kitchen was only being devious. It was waiting for lunch when a schizophrenic seizure would take control of it. Lunch is supposedly the main meal of the day, but since it consisted of pap (which I personally cannot stand), and a single piece of wors, it did not seem too main. the Evil-Miserly-Kitchen personality had taken control here. Yet, on the other side of the school, the Generous-Host-Kitchen personality was serving a five-star meal to a visiting cricket team.

However, the Schizo theory is not the only one in circulation, and it cannot explain all of the properties exhibited by The Kitchen. Another popular theory — the longest running theory, in fact — is the BLOP (Bio-Chemical Luminous Objects Project) Theory.

According to the BLOP Theory, The Kitchen is in fact an experimental laboratory for testing luminous substances. It is believed to be a laboratory that came under heavy fire from anti-animal cruelty societies, and so now tests its products on boarders at College. The glowing green scrambled eggs are a good example of one of these products which we received for breakfast on both Saturday and Monday of that unhappy weekend.

Although meals during the week are usually satisfactory, and Sunday lunch has improved, it would seem that The Kitchen believes that over the rest of the weekend boarders do not like to eat.

Lone Scribbler

Yip. I signed it with a pseudonym, not wanting the wrath of the kitchen management to fall upon me.

I also submitted a cartoon to run with the article. It seems strangely familiar. I’m sure you’ll agree.