The Handytard Strikes Back!

I could write a whole spiel in the style of Star Wars, drawing an analogy between the Handytards fighting the evil empire of DIY, but I’ve got the reference to Star Wars all backwards. I also can’t be bothered today. Instead, the photos must tell the story.

Handytard is making a comeback, and may even be able to turn the match around.

A handytard’s dream!

People are asking me for news of Jethro, for photos of Jethro, for happy uplifting information, for rays of sunshine, for things like that.

I’ve been meaning to oblige. I really have. Sadly for you, you still ain’t gonna get no satisfaction. Perhaps some other time when I feel less demoralised.

Instead, I need to get something off my chest and this is the forum I’m going to use. I don’t expect to creating particularly interesting reading-matter, and neither should you expect to find any in this post.

Those who are frequent readers of this weblog will recall that some 8 months ago I bought a nice, shiny, new house. Useful pictures of it are available via Picasa Web Albums. I need to update those pictures with some real gems. A possible forthcoming attraction.

Becasue, as it turns out, the house is more soggy than shiny. It has rising damp. It has extensions that are falling away from the original part of the house, creating cracks in the roof and allowing water to infiltrate there too. The extensions don’t appear to have been built to standard building specifications, with the water-proofing layer below ground level in some places.

The building insurance guy came and had a look yesterday and his summary was: “Sorry for you. Existing damage. Take it up with the previous owner.”

He did at least give me good advice on what to do and who to contact in getting things fixed, but it seems like the bill will be entirely on me — unless I can get the previous owners to pay (Bah! What are the chances?)

A damp-proofing/rising damp expert is coming to have a look this afternoon. I hope it’s not as bad as I instinctively feel that it is.

Enough of being coherent and well-mannered.

Fuck fukc fuckfu kfu kfuckfcukfuc kffuckfuck ufkcufkfuckfufkfufkfuckfuffuckfuckfufckf uf kfu ,kfcufkfu kcfuck  fufkcufk fuck fuckfu kcukfuck

Are you a Handytard?

  • Do you struggle to hammer nails into a wall without chipping out massive chunks of masonry and plaster?
  • Do all the picture frames you hang on walls stay there for less time than it took for you to put the picture up in the first place?
  • Does the grass you mow never grow back?
  • Do the plants in the garden attempt to prune you?
  • Does changing a light-bulb generally result in an electrical discharge?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may be a Handytard.
But don’t worry. It’s more common than you think.

Thousands of men suffer from Handytardism, and don’t even know it. Most men who are handytards only discover this fact once they buy a house and try to start a family. Due to this, some handytards could go undiagnosed for their whole lives.

Many handytards are affected by the social stigma attached to handytardism. Handytardism is, in fact, a direct affront on their masculinity. Men who cannot fix the broken things in their homes, or successfully hang decorations on the walls for their women, may as well be impotent.

Handytards of the world, do not fret!
Fortunately there is an easy solution that even the most inept would-be handy-man can use to his benefit. This solution is guaranteed to please your woman, and has been widely utilised by men with erectile dysfunction.

Get a professional to do the job for you.