The Axe Effect — Dying Cockroaches

Good for you!

Indeed, the poisonous substances aisle is a curious place to put a deodorant advertisement. But then again, all Axe adverts seem to suggest that Axe will intoxicate women. I just didn’t realise it went to quite this extent.

Heads up Axe buyers! Those women lunging over towards you are not overcome with lust for your irresistible body, they are overcome by the toxic fumes of your bug-spray.

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Stop Telemarketers

I’m not really sure whether this will work or not, but I’m hoping it does.

Sign up for the Don’t Contact Me database and put a stop to sms, email, and telephone spam.

That, at least, is the theory. Perhaps it’s a trap. I’ll let you know whether my spam volumes are amplified in the near future.

Exciting new wine cultivars!

I just can’t wait to get my hands on a few bottles of these paroxysm-inducing wines.

I’ve been looking for a wine that will go well with rotting carcass goulash, and the Bottoms Up! Barolo is sure to fit the bill nicely.

I rather like ducks, and because of this I’ve never wanted to invade their space by latching on to their beaks. I have, however, always wondered what the fluid contained therein would be like. With Shit-Faced Shiraz, I need wonder no longer.

I’m going to have to give the Modderdam Malbec a wide berth though. I just don’t really agree with the labour practices they’ve used to bring us this wine, no  matter how good a wine it is.

I trust I can rely on your vote?

Ballot BoxThe South African National Elections are swiftly approaching, and election posters are littering the streets.

There are plentiful examples of everyone’s favourite ANC leader, Jacob Zuma, and his cheesy it-wasn’t-me grin. Or is it more of a Alfred E. Newman “What, Me Worry?” kind of look?

Regardless of the visage of JayZee, there are also a number of posters that try to instill in us, the electorate, a passion to vote for a particular party. I’ve already made fun of the ANC’s poster, but on hindsight I’ve decided I’ve been a little discriminatory. We wouldn’t want that in the 15-year-old New South Africa.

Everyone has an election slogan, and generally these can all be improved by adding the phrase “in your pants” to the end of whatever our political overlords have told us.

If you like, you could choose your political party based on which one sounded the least (or most) ridiculous with in your pants tagged on to the end of the slogan.

Going in alphabetical order, we have:

That’s just a few. Adding in your pants to the rest of the political parties’ slogans is left as an exercise for the reader.

I will stop in your pants
I will stop at nothing in your pants
Say the right things in your pants
When electioneering in your pants
I trust I can rely on your vote in your pants

Apologies to Radiohead: Electioneering