Author: Neil Robinson

100 Word Stories

It seems that I am unlikely to finish my series of 100 word stories any time soon. The original deal I made with myself was to only publish batches of stories that I wrote once the next batch had been written. It was yet another of my long line of self-imposed project plans, but one that met with relative success.

This leaves me in a situation where the last batch I wrote and dispatched will never be published. The original intention behind the delayed publishing was to motivate me to write the next batch. It no longer is motivating me, but it seems a shame to never make the rest of the stories public.

So now they are public. Check out the full collection of 100 word stories written for friends and family on deviant art.

Villa Nirvana!

Villa Nirvana! It\'s got doves!

What the hell is this? It doesn’t look like Bali-style architecture to me. It looks like more of that hideous faux-tuscan crap – now with Buddha! And doves of peace!

The horror is, these guys aren’t the first ones to come up with a Villa in the Pure Land (or perhaps, a villa that is the Pure Land).

The Scourge of Piracy

Piracy of the highly rated Hammer OS is rampant. Look at these crusty sea dogs installing an unlicenced copy of Hammer OS on an iPhone.

People with excessively long beards are liersliars, cheats, and thieves, and those hairy people have obviously stolen that sledgehammer from one of their parents’ tool sheds, thus invalidating their Hammer OS licence.

Be warned, those who wish to steal Hammer OS, the legal penalty for pirating Hammer OS is Hammer OS.

Hammer OS Lock-up

Sometimes Hammer OS installations fail, freezing during the initialisation process, as in this attempt to install Hammer OS on a pigeon.

Fortunately, this quite rare, and generally only happens if you are a troll and get exposed to sunlight while attempting to install this most versatile of operating systems on an arbitrary object.

Are you a Handytard?

  • Do you struggle to hammer nails into a wall without chipping out massive chunks of masonry and plaster?
  • Do all the picture frames you hang on walls stay there for less time than it took for you to put the picture up in the first place?
  • Does the grass you mow never grow back?
  • Do the plants in the garden attempt to prune you?
  • Does changing a light-bulb generally result in an electrical discharge?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may be a Handytard.
But don’t worry. It’s more common than you think.

Thousands of men suffer from Handytardism, and don’t even know it. Most men who are handytards only discover this fact once they buy a house and try to start a family. Due to this, some handytards could go undiagnosed for their whole lives.

Many handytards are affected by the social stigma attached to handytardism. Handytardism is, in fact, a direct affront on their masculinity. Men who cannot fix the broken things in their homes, or successfully hang decorations on the walls for their women, may as well be impotent.

Handytards of the world, do not fret!
Fortunately there is an easy solution that even the most inept would-be handy-man can use to his benefit. This solution is guaranteed to please your woman, and has been widely utilised by men with erectile dysfunction.

Get a professional to do the job for you.

The new house

We moved house, and the people have wanted photos.

I have not provided photos. I’ve been busy. Also, it rained a lot, and wasn’t going to be standing outside in the precipitation for your benefit.

But now, there are photos! Hooray.

The New House
The New Place — up close and personal

Tell me whether you like the look of it.

The Cure for AIDS!

It seems Microsoft have found it (with a little help from Dell). Better click it fast before they realise they haven’t, which is why I’ve included the screenshot below.

Cure AIDS! Upgrade to Vista!

To be fair they don’t really claim to cure AIDS, but a PC can’t really be “designed to help eliminate AIDS,” so they deserve my misleading headline.

Vista sales must really be struggling along if Microsoft need to resort to this kind of thing. Not sure why Dell are playing along though.