Category: ranting waffle

toy throwing and such. mine or other people’s

Stay the patient course — for yourself (In your pants?)

In the course of my work, I make use of the South African Agricultural Geo-Referenced System dynamic map service.

Today the service was down. It told me this:

Stay the patient course
of little worth is your ire,
the map service, is down.Please try again later.

I hope they randomise it so that you don’t get the same message over and over. Otherwise, staying the patient course may rapidly become troublesome.

Much like the case with Cell C. They’ve recently redone their webpage, and appear to have contracted possums for the job. Whenever I log in and try to access my account info, I get this message:

here i am scratching my head
wondering what happened. . . .
but never fear sometimes life is random. one thousand grovelling pardons for any inconvenience caused.

They issue 1000 pardons because it’s happened about that many times.
Guys, it’s not random if it happens every time!

Bash ’em down and build ’em up – again.

Yip, seems like good ol’ Dubya is still into blowing things up, and then sending money to replace the infrastructure. I’m not sure whether there’ll be enough money to develop the technology to resurrect the dead, though.
Sure, he didn’t actually order the destruction this time, but he didn’t exactly put too much pressure on Israel to desist.

Bah!

Mini-rant over.

DME Filing System

I visited the Department of Minerals and Energy (DME). I needed to
locate certain Environmental Management Programmes (EMPs) and extract
information from them. None of the EMPs are digitised.

They have a static self-organising filing system.
The “self-organising” bit means that the files are placed on the
shelves in random order, and one then waits for organisation to evolve
by itself. The “static” bit means that nothing changes.
Yes, a static self-organising system is oxymoronic.

I’m actually being unfair. The files aren’t on the shelf in random
order. Each file is actually numbered. It’s just that no-one working at
the DME could tell us how the file numbers linked up with any other
information regarding the mines we were interested in. Needless to say,
the newer files were not given any numbers.

Fun times!

400 ZAR for Obsolete Technology

I bought a new crappy external 56k modem because the old one lost the will to live. Or, at the very least, it lost the will to modulate and demodulate.
I imagine I will be bashing it with a hammer and posting pictures of its demise in the near future.

On an unrelated note: Why have the tenders for Satan’s Poodle web design not been pouring in? That site is going to be famous, and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t help me out.

The Grammar Nazi

There has been much talk of the Spelling Nazi on Hoblit’s and Hoke’s blog.

Enter the Grammar Nazi!
While perusing the pages of deviant art I stumbled upon this work and associated comments.
There was some unnecessary jibing of the artist by a poster, and so I decided to take action. Read the comments (specifically the one’s I made and those of the person I was replying to). Then return here.

Read the comments yet?
I decided to stir up some trouble, having anointed myself the Grammar Nazi.

It was inappropriate to cause more trouble on that page, so I sent our angry friend a personal note.

“‘no i dont mind looking like an arsehole, because i am an arsehole but i don’t want to portray myself as a moron because i am not. the last time i checked my I.Q. was 136 which is 4 points below genius.’ Hey. At least you’re honest with yourself. But do I sense a little insecurity about your 4 missing I.Q. points? That you need to explicitly cite your I.Q. score at all is indicative of deep felt anxiety regarding your self-worth. Maybe if you weren’t trying so hard to prove how stupid everyone else is compared to you, then perhaps you’d be less of an arsehole.

Good luck in your quest for meaning and pandas in your life!”

This comment of mine stirred him into a vexed rage. He sent me not one caustic reply, but four!
I’ll spare you the full messages, but I will list the gems. A kind of “highlights” package.

  • He threatened to bootstomp me six feet into the ground
  • He threatened to curbstomp me and defeat me in a trivia contest and claimed to be a superior artist to me — all in one sentence.
  • He threatened to kick my teeth in and force me to swallow them.
  • He denied being insecure, and professed to being a ‘cocky [naughty word]’ and a borderline genius
  • He complemented me on my photography: Yes, you read that right.
  • He speculated that I must be from France, but then threatened to astral travel to South Africa and paint the walls with my flesh.
  • He professed of his superior intellect once again, and pointed out that he possessed a powerful aura.
  • He called me a “stupid bitch” for trying to comment on his “grammer”(sic).
  • And, my favourite, he recommended that I “go eat a bag of dicks.” Unfortunately he did not supply me with the contact details of a retailer where I might procure such a delicacy.

He certainly provided me with a good night’s entertainment. Even his a girlfriend jumped into the fray, but she was no where as amusing.

--

Naughty Words

My brother Stuart insists I post this, uh, transcript of his.
I will humour him this time – but really Stuart, just get your own blog.
As already mentioned, it contains naughty words. Don’t read it if you can’t cope with naughty words.

Ashlee is Stuart’s friend from school who lives in London at the moment. What follows is an SMS ‘conversation’

The Players:

  • Stu – Brother of esteemed Waffle Master
  • Reprobate – A morally unprincipled person, one who is predestined to damnation

The Transcript

Day 1:
Stu:
Hi Ashlee. How are you doing. Somehow got your phone code the wrong way around, so haven’t been able to contact you. But all is now well again 🙂 Stu

Day 3:
Reprobate:
Fuck off and dont send to me message again
Stu (not sent):
Excuse me?! what the fuck is your problem? You low life. If I have the wrong number its not all that goddamn difficult to say so in a more polite manner. What a complete tosser you are. This wasnt always your number you fuck wit.
Stu (sent):
Excuse me?! I have to assume you are in fact not Ashlee. I must also admit that if you had had the cranial capacity to reply politely to me, then it would have been easy for me to comply with your request, but alas, that was not the case. So I may send miscellaneous messages from time to time-just to keep you on your toes. Hope you don’t mind.

Day 4:
Reprobate:
Fuck off and dont send to me message again Fuck you
Stu:
You really are an uncouth reprobate
Reprobate:
Hi.Im her boy friend what you want tell me
Stu:
I see. Well, seems she has chosen well. I am actually a friend of hers from school and you seem to be a little bit of a nightmare. So I’m not entirely sure what your issue is. If she’s not interested in speaking to me I’m sure she can tell me herself.
Reprobate:
I dont want talking with you please dont send to me message
Stu:
Ok. One last message. Who is this?
Reprobate:
Stuart
Stu:
Hmm. I see. Coincidence.
Reprobate:
Fuck you mother Fucker Fucken torso
Stu:
You really need to perhaps spend some time in a schooling environment, so that you can enhance your vast vocabulary. If you are an example of British youth I am pretty disappointed actually. Cheers