Category: marketing

sometimes advertising, sometimes branding

A prediction

At a point in the relatively near future, software will no longer be delivered to you in a box.

Baby in a box

Everything that runs on your computer will be downloaded. This is obvious. This is already mostly the case.

Soon after that, people will forget that software ever came in a box in the first place.

Software marketing people will continue to delight in describing software features available “Out-of-the-Box!” No-one will know why, but they’ll think it has something to do with lateral thinking. Or possibly suffocating babies.

Cell C wants more of my money

I received a call the other day from Ezra at Cell C [warning: site not Firefox friendly]. I greeted Ezra warmly as I considered the merits of asking him whether there might be someone better to speak to. I declined to do so assuming that either a) the joke would be old (from his perspective); or b) the joke would be too subtle — he sounded more like a hip-hop, R&B kind of guy

Ezra happily informed me that he had been assigned to assist me with my contract upgrade. How exciting!
Except, I hadn’t requested an upgrade. Was it compulsory?
No it wasn’t, but it was recommended.
Why would I want an upgrade?
Because I could get a new phone.
But I already have a working phone. Afterall, I was talking to Ezra using it.
Sure, but I could get a better phone, like a Nokia N73 (or something like that).
Are you implying that the phone I have is crap? (Wish I’d said that, but it didn’t occur to me until afterwards).

Eventually I told him that I saw what the problem was. I was on a contract that Cell C were no longer offering. It has really cheap rates, no free minutes, and no bundled in phone. It also has no monthly subscription charge. Basically, if I don’t use the phone at all, I’d pay R50 a month. If I only make R50 worth of calls, I’ll pay R50. If I make R100 worth of calls I pay R100.
Basically, Cell C aren’t making any money off me (or are making very little).

Eventually, Ezra gave up. Perhaps Cell C will try again with someone better?

City tales to come

In lieu of the next instalment of the Tale of Three Cities, I present this teaser-trailer

Don’t miss the future episodes of Tale of Three Cities, because then you’ll miss out on…

  • Scottish spittle!
  • Hungarian pointy structures and non-pointy watercourses!
  • Cambell’s Soup — over and over and over
  • Fruit Soup — just once!
  • Wafflemaster Wii Review — with action-shots!
  • and much much more!

Ad-watch

Yesterday we tried a bottle of Gôiya. As a wine, it wasn’t too bad. Not brilliant, but reasonable.
It is exported to the US market, and amusingly to me includes a Surgeon General’s warning about drinking while pregnant, or operating heavy machinery.
The real amusement is not the Surgeon General’s warning, but rather the marketing blurb on the back of the bottle. You may require your cynicism cap if, for some reason, you don’t keep it on at all times.

Gôiya means wine in the language of the San people. Their unique subsistence lifestyle, now under threat from the modern world, is the inspiration behind this wine.

WestCorp International, one of the largest single producers of wine in the Southern Hemisphere … [is] ideally situated to produce excellent red and white wines.

Ad-watch

Yip. Our old friend, ad-watch, is resurrected today on a whim.

I bought myself an Aero Cappuccino. They’re cheaper than the mint one’s for some reason.
On the packaging, in a little text box, is written

Good to remember
Relaxing with AERO bubbles will help you unwind.

I think I should call Nestlé’s consumer services line and query the scientific validity of this bold claim.

Illovo in your pants thwarted

I had some old sugar with Illovo’s marketing slogan written on the packaging — Everybody loves Illovo (in your pants!).

“Excellent!” I thought to myself, rubbing my hands together in a sly, devious fashion.

To my dismay, everybody no longer loves Illovo. Illovo have slightly re-factored their target market:

illovo igrand in my ipants!